Beyond my Back Yard

For the eight years we've lived in Maine we've heard about "camps". These are, most often, small and rather rustic vacation cottages that dot the shores of Maine's many beautiful ponds and lakes.

Where we grew up there were few nice fresh water lakes and no one I knew had a cottage. In Maine though it's common for someone who is part of an extended family to have a connection to a camp. Seeing that we have no extended family here we've never had those kind of connections.

Even so, we managed to snag a weekend at a honest-to-goodness camp last weekend, thanks to the generous offer of some friends.

The digs would be considered modest by most standards. The decor, furniture and appliances were all circa 1971 and we were without hot water. But compared to most of our weekend outings (under tents and three sided shelters) the solid roof, wood burning stove, propane stovetop, running water and electricity were downright luxurious.

Though Celine did say she would prefer WiFi to flush toilets. And I agree.

It was a wonderfully relaxing weekend away, tucked snug in between two difficult weeks. Those are often the hardest trips to make (it seems hard to get away when so much is happening at home) but the most important also.

Whereas we usually hike each weekend this time we rested. We wrote, paddled, read, ate, hammocked (is that a word?) slept and played games.

I was a perfect break in an otherwise tumultuous month.

After the flood of e-mail (ok, four or so), including one this morning from my mom "you ok?", and comments to Friday's post I feel I need to come back to reassure you all. Everything's ok. It always has been but there is some upheaval in our family life right now. No emergencies or traumas, just change in the air that is putting my cozy life and comfortable routines in a state of flux. 

Even as a child I did not handle change well. My parents and I laugh now at the funny things I did in response to that most-dreaded nemesis of mine - change, aka transition.

But here I am a grown woman with children of my own and I must deal with this. And so that is what is going on.

Thank you all for your kind concerns. We went away this weekend to a small cabin on a lake. An outing planned months in advance that almost didn't happen because of my state of mind last week. But I'm so glad we followed through anyway. Photos and memories from this wonderfully relaxing weekend will probably be showing up on our blogs in the future. 

I have one last thought I want to share, though somewhat hesitantly. Many of you might have picked up that I am a follower of Christ. I guess you could say Christian though I often don't use that term since it carries so much negative baggage. I hate labels and prefer to just live and let my life show what I believe.

This morning I was drawn to read a scripture that gives me a lot of strength during challenging times. I'll be honest, the Bible or God's word, as I believe it to be, is where more and more these days I am drawing my strength and wisdom. I am reluctant to talk about this since there is too much religious talk in the world and not enough right living and I don't want to be another one of those voices that people just tune out as "being religious". I'm not, religious that is. But I have a faith in Christ and that is what I hold on to when I feel life floundering. 

After journaling this morning I found this passage and the first part about "at last you have renewed your concern for me" totally cracked me up after the outpouring of everyone's love in response to last Friday's post. Although Paul wrote this to the young church in Philippi a couple thousand years ago and my small concerns were nothing like his bodily suffering, the words he wrote are a teensy echo of my own experience. 

I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in whatever the circumstances.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

It's hard to wrap this up neatly after such powerful (at least for me) words. Contentment in all circumstances, even change and uncertainty. That is something I'm meditating on as I start this new week.

This has been an incredibly difficult week for me. And to add insult to injury I can't talk too much about it here and that's hard. I like writing out my angst. You should see the scrawl in my journals these days.

I briefly considered not taking my camera to the farm yesterday. Truth be told, I didn't even want to go to the farm to pick up our veggies. I wanted to just lay in bed or maybe write. But the veggies were waiting, the kids needed time outdoors and the day was just so beautiful.

That fact alone was another source of grief for me. I heap guilt on myself for not appreciating beautiful summer days. So when I'm in a funk on a such a day and not appreciating the gorgeous weather, I beat myself up for it. I'm pathetic and I'd like to some day get over my guilt complex.

Anyway we went to the farm and spent time swinging (Brienne and Laurent), reading (Celine), picking flowers (Brienne and I) and just hanging out. It was good.

Time at the farm didn't solve my problems and because Brienne forgot her shoes (only children forget shoes) I was late getting home for starting supper which added minor complication to our day. But it did get me out of the house, removed me from my (mostly in my head) problems, guilt, and exhaustion for an hour or so. 

And now I have these photos. Lovely photos. Photos that remind me of beauty not problems.

I love flowers and photography. And the farm.

(I hadn't intended or planned this post but it seems to be an unofficial Friday's Flowers post.)